Cross Your Mind
by atWrestlingLexi
Summary: John Cena holds a lot of pressure on his shoulders with the job he has and all his responsibilities, he takes his stresses and angers out on his wife but, will the girl he thinks will never leave him actually leave him because she cant take any more?
1. Chapter 1

**_i think this is what they call a pilot? that one episode they throw out on tv to see the response? yeah well this is what im doing with this chapter :)_**

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><p>Mickie was sat as her husband was going off on her again, apparently she doesn't appreciate the pressure he's under and everything he has to get done.<p>

"do you really get it mickie" John shouted at his wife "because I don't think you do, I don't have time to take you out for a stupid meal, I have better and more important things to do"

"so im not important to you" Mickie asked softly looking at her hands resting in her lap

"oh here we go" John rolled his eyes "the poor me act, it may have escaped your vision mickie but not every thing is about you, not every thing revolves around you"

"i no" she said softly

"yeah well I don't think you do sometimes, John take me to dinner, John can we have a night alone, John cuddle me" he said in a girly voice mocking her "please, we're not in high school, this is the real world" John couldn't cope with his anger any more "im going out" he growled grabbing his jacket and leaving slamming the door causing mickie to jump as a tear ran down her face.

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><p>John was sat on a bar stool looking down at his drink, he hated the feeling he has after he and mickie argued, but, he still starts all the fights they have.<p>

He looked up and noticed two blondes looking at him, he knew that look, that was two fans wanting John Cena the famous wrestler for the night, that was one thing about John, even when mickie really pissed him off, he wouldn't cheat, it was never something that even crossed his mind.

He down the last bit of his drink stood up and left the bar and pulled his jacket around him as the cold winter air hit him, he knew going on a walk could make him seriously at risk on pneumonia but he needed to clear his head before he went back.

He walked along the wall that the other side was a big drop down to a beach, he looked out at the sea that had the moonlight reflecting on it, he hated the way he was with mickie but, he couldn't control his temper and anger very well with her, he had to be so corporate and professional like that when he got back to the hotel it all escaped when it could but that was unfortunately to the women that deserved it the least.

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><p>Mickie had moved her essentials into her closest friends room she was now sat waiting, she was waiting for the inevitable knock from john's friends to sound on the door, they came the same time every night regardless.<p>

She took a breathe when the knock sounded, she went through her head what she was going to do and say when they get here so many times. She pulled the door open and walked straight back into the room.

"welcome to you to" Ted dibiase said welcoming himself into the room and going straight to the games console mickie knew they'd sit at until the early hours of the morning.

"where's John?" Cody Rhodes asked as he raided the fridge

"dont know" Mickie said as she put her pumps on she glanced up as she sorted her laces out

"hey can you make me a sandwich" Cody asked closing the fridge looking towards the women, that was another thing, even when she was sick, they would make her make them food, she'd have to wait on them all the time they were here, then John would moan how she never left them alone the whole night.

"no" she stood up and grabbed her jacket from the hook

"where are you going?" Cody called out as mickie opened the door

"out"

"what about my sandwich"

"make it your damn self" she shouted slamming the door before going off down the hall, she was pretty calm but that right there just made her angry. As she disappeared around the corner of the corridor John came out the lift.

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><p>"can you believe her" Cody moaned sitting down on the sofa as John arrived back.<p>

"shut up" randy said, randy was reserved, he sat back and watched things unfold more than get involved, it was why he was good at giving advice, he'd seen it as an impartial person and could see the argument from both sides.

As Ted dibiase paused his game he lifted up a note "this was on your ps3" he said

John took it pulled the paper out the envelope

_im staying out, not that you'd care, your more interested in your boys_

_mickie_

Any other man hearing his girl say he didnt care about her would make them rethink how they act but not John that just floated over his head, he got angry all over again after telling himself not to. He scrunched the letter up into a ball and threw it "damn it" he said

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><p><em><strong>let me know what you think!<strong>_

_**i would love for you to tell me what you do and dont like?**_

_**review, alert, favourite**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**i just wanted to say thank you so much for all the reviews i got for the first chapter :) it was like a record for me :D so keep up the good reviewing ;)**_

_**enjoy! :D**_

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><p>Mickie was in her best friend's room taking a nice long shower. She was reluctant to turn the shower off and even whined to herself when she knew she couldn't stay in there much longer but finally she stepped out and wrapped herself in a towel.<p>

"hey" mickie said softly coming out the room to find Beth Phoenix sat reading a book on the sofa

the women looked up "feel better?"

Mickie sighed "suppose"

"must be bad for you to run away" Beth said softly

"im not running, I just, I needed time away" she said

"ok" Beth said softly with a small smile, Beth new her friend was running from the problem than confronting it, she always back's down to John, she'll never stand up to him for fear of loosing him, because when she did say things back, he would always leave and she was scared he would leave her permanently and not just for the night.

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><p>Mickie finished drying her hair, straightening and teasing it to give it some volume.<p>

"your hair looks nice" Beth said softly

"thank you" mickie said sweetly sitting politely on the sofa.

Beth watched her friend, she was so conserved it was like she was a naughty school girl in trouble not wanting to sit incorrectly for fear of being told off.

"why am I doing this?"

"doing what?" Beth asked

"staying away, we both know ill go back again" she said softly

"why do you go back?" Beth asked

"i cant see my life without him init" mickie spoke and Beth could here in her voice she was fighting tears from running down her face

"come here" Beth said putting her book down and pulling the girl in for a hug.

Mickie got close to Beth, it had been a long time since someone had held her, she needed a hug but no one was ever there when she needed one.

"i love you micks" Beth spoke, she thought the women could use a hug and be told she meant something to someone, and she meant a lot to a lot of people, she just never realised that before.

"i love you to" mickie said as they pulled away and looked at each other mickie smiled slightly "think I should come to you more often when we fight" she said

"or you could just not fight" Beth said softly

"it's not that simple" mickie sighed "i married him, I cant just give up, for better or worse"

"what if there's no better and your clearly unhappy" Beth spoke "tell me it's not my business mickie but you don't have to take what he puts you through because your married"

Mickie sighed and looked at her friends "ive known him 7 years ive been with him 6 years I've been married to him for 3, im not giving up just yet" she said

Beth nodded "that's understandable" she said "just as long as you know at some point if this situation doesn't get any better you need to know when to say, enoughs a enough"

Mickie nodded "i know and look, im not stupid I know the girls including you are scared to talk to me about it because your scared ill turn around and tell you to shut up, but, I do realise mine and john's relationship has gone down hill a lot over the past year, and, im making a mental note of everything he's doing, and that's all im saying"

Beth had an idea why mickie would be making a note of the things John was doing but Beth would have to see it to believe it was happening.


	3. Chapter 3

Mickie stood outside her hotel room door, she was nervous about what she was going to find, she slowly pushed the door open stepped inside as she turned to shut the hotel room door the next morning she turned around and jumped finding John stood in the room looking at her.

"where the hell have you been" John asked shouting towards her

"out" mickie spoke going towards the kitchen to get a drink

"mickie" he said grabbing her arm spinning her to him

Mickie looked at his hand gripping around her arm "your hurting me" mickie said trying to get free, she struggled slightly but it only made his grip tighten.

"well tell me where you were and ill let go" John growled in his wife's face

The pain for mickie was becoming unbearable which brought on tears which began to run down her face

"oh here come the water works" John growled at her with a roll of his eyes shoving her arm away from him causing mickie to stumble backwards slightly, Mickie looked down rubbing the red mark on her arm trying to sooth the pain. "you never answered my question"

"I stayed with Beth, your friends came over and I know you don't like me around when there here"

John looked at the women she looked so scared, he hated the way he treated her, as he did the things to her in his head he was screaming at himself not to but he couldn't stop himself. It was like when he gripped her arm, he was outside on the balcony banging on the window screaming at another man to let go off her.

Mickie let out a shaky breathe when John walked away, she was thankful he dropped the subject, she wasn't in the mood or even had the energy to argue or fight her corner this morning. "john"

"what" he asked sitting down

"you want some breakfast" she asked as sweetly as she could not to annoy the man

"whatever" he spoke

Mickie took a breathe and walked to the kitchen to make John some breakfast, she made the mistake of thinking his whatever meant a no already and wasnt going to do a second time.

She put the plate of food in front of John on the coffee table with a bottle of water and a knife and fork. "there you go" she said softly she went to walk away.

"mickie" John spoke mickie turned to him "you forgot my spoon for my beans"

"sorry" she said walking back to get him his spoon.

Mickie sat watching John eat as he watched the television, he wasn't the man she fell in love, he wasn't the man that was at the alter when she committed her life to him.

Mickie didnt know what had gone wrong with them, they were always being told how they were the perfect couple or how the person had never seen a couple that seemed that much in love with each other or that happy with each other.


	4. Chapter 4

John was sat reading on the sofa when there was a knock at the door, he noticed mickie rise almost instantly to open the door, it was times like these he was able to notice how everything had change, but as quick as he realised he soon became angry and bitter again when he heard the voice of Kelly Blank.

"hey" the women smiled

"hi" mickie said softly

"we were going out for some drinks later you want to come?" eve smiled

mickie looked behind her towards John who looked down when she looked at him "no" he heard Beth say sternly "not him, you, you decide whether you want to come or not"

Mickie nodded "ok" she smiled slightly "ok, ill come, could use a drink" she smiled

"good" the girls chirped happily at there friend "we'll pick you up at 7" they smiled before walking away mickie closed the door and turned to find John still reading his book. She was just waiting for the comment he always had to give.

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><p>Mickie stood looking at herself in the mirror she had just finished applying her make up and she was checking to make sure that her hair was still in place and in good condition and after assessing that it was how she wanted it she finished with a layer of hair spray. She had just slipped on the black mini dress that stopped mid-way down her thigh she had chosen her comfy flat shoes she absolutely loved because they could be used on a night out and were so comfy when the door to the bathroom opened.<p>

Mickie looked and stood there was John, she sore him look over her and a part of her wanted for him to tell her what he thought.

"i need a piss" he said

"oh" mickie spoke "sorry" she said leaving the bathroom

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><p>As she opened the door for the girls who had just knocked she smiled slightly "and there was me thinking you would have a change of heart" Beth smiled "you look beautiful"<p>

"at least someone notices" mickie said softly as John came back in the room from doing what ever he was doing in the bed room. He was trying to stay out of her way so he didnt pick an argument, he couldn't help himself sometimes, he wanted her to have a nice night out.

But he couldn't help himself. "remember your married" he growled as he sat down on the sofa

"im not the cheater in the marriage" mickie said leaving before John had a chance to comment.

"john cheated on you?" Kelly asked shocked

"no" mickie mumbled "i don't know why I said that" mickie looked down "i know he never would"

"come on" Beth took her best friends hand "let's go get a drink down you ay" she spoke as she led her towards the lift.


	5. Chapter 5

Mickie had been at the club for a good few hours and with the girls absorbed in there new male friends mickie got off the bar stood and headed towards the rest rooms. She pushed the door open and relieved that she was the only one in there she leaned on the wall staring into space it was nice to be alone, only if it lasted momentarily when three girls entered and giving her questioning looks, she pushed her self of the wall and headed out the rest room.

The next thing mickie knew was she crashed head first into someone else and ended up on the floor, she was about to apologise for not seeing them when she sore who she happened to stupidly run into. Randy Orton. Her husbands best friend and he also happened to be the best man at her wedding.

She became aware of the fact that she was still on the floor when she stopped thinking and looked around noticing many people staring at her with questionable looks. She was about to climb to her feet when randy offered her his hand to help her up. Mickie was very much surprised by the gesture but she took his hand anyways and with one small tug, he pulled her up to her feet.

"Thanks," she managed to mutter through her confusion as to why he helped her.

"You look surprised," he noted but before she could reply he spoke first "im hurt you'd think I'd leave you on the floor and walk away" he faked offence and then smiled.

"Come on. You can't be that surprised" I said "your my husband's friend, your obligated to hate me"

"Hey I was promised that on the day of the wedding those rule books were not to be read by the bride" he joked. She laughed at him, he was quite funny, for John's pig of a friend.

Mickie looked at him, when something clicked in her head, he didnt have a problem with her going out? "john sent you didnt he" she finished her thoughts out loud

"what?" randy asked

"i knew it" mickie said "i knew he wouldn't just let me go out, I should of known he'd send one of you out to watch what I was getting up to"

randy rubbed his head "mickie, he never sent me, I was just fed up of sitting in" he made a cross over his heart then held his hand up "scouts honer"

"you were in the scouts?" mickie asked with an amused smile

"have a nice night mickie" he smiled and walked past the women sending her a nod

"what's brought this smile on" the voice of Beth said as her hand found the women's back

mickie jerked a thumb over her shoulder "did you know randy was in the scouts" she asked

"he was?" Beth said the pair looked at each other then burst out laughing and made there way to there other two friends who just got another round in.


	6. Chapter 6

Mickie was sat at the small table in the room with the three other girls playing poker she had a leg up on the chair.

When John came in he looked at mickie, it had been awhile since he had seen her smile like that. He looked down as he put his keys down on the table and shut the door.

He looked up when the girls looked at him, he sore mickie's smile fade when she sore him she looked down before looking back towards the table. She put her cards down and stood up "ill go make you a sandwich" she said going towards the kitchen

"im not hungry" he spoke, that was john's way of saying it's ok, ill make it

"oh" mickie stopped walking sighed and walked back again.

"how'd you get that bruise?" eve asked concerned as John sat down on the sofa

"what bruise?" mickie asked

"on your arm" Kelly pointed to it

John closed his eyes briefly, he bruised her, when he was little he always told himself don't turn out like his step father but, without him even realising he was.

"oh, I don't know" mickie said, she did but, her friends hated John as it was, she didnt want to give them more ammunition

At that point Randy walked in flanked by Cody and Ted "dont they knock?" eve whispered

"they never do" mickie replied

"what if you and John were" she trialled off John looked out the corner of his eye towards the girls, he could here them.

"we don't have sex any more, he doesn't find me attractive, he makes that obvious, why would he want to, im just his stupid ass bitch of a wife that does all his shit for him" she whispered, even the girls were taken a back at how strongly she showed her dislike towards John, Mickie never normally showed that to them.

"yanno for a small person you have a really hard head" randy said spinning the chair out from under the table straddling it and leaning on the back looking at mickie

"i don't follow" mickie said softly, scared John would flip for talking to his friends

"last night" mickie sore John turn his head towards them from behind randy she looked worriedly towards Beth _it's ok _she mouthed "when you came out the bathroom and head butted my chest, yeah, you left a bruise" randy chuckled softly

"sorry" mickie said softly

randy looked at the women looked over his shoulder and sore John looking towards them he looked down in front of him "sorry if ive got you in trouble" he whispered before standing up and walking away

"how about a sandwich" Cody asked as he picked his character in the game he was playing against Ted, he glanced towards mickie "mickie?" he questioned

Kelly's mouth dropped "make it your god damn self you lazy ass hole"

"wasn't that hungry anyways" he mumbled after he glared at Kelly.

"remind me to never date a man, there ass holes, the lot of them" she said

"abit harsh" eve chuckled

"yeah well, you think some are sweet, but they show there true colours eventually" she glanced at John who sore her do so "they trap one then, boom, they change to what they really are"

"if you have something to say, say it, don't beat around the bush about it" John snapped

Kelly looked at John, she could see why mickie tended not to answer back, it was the look in his eye but she couldn't loose her nerve, she wanted to show mickie you could stand up to him. "i wasn't beating around the bush, I was talking about you and you got that, I don't see the problem"

"keep your opinions to yourself, this is mine and mickie's marriage" John glared at the women


	7. Chapter 7

Mickie was sure paying for Kelly's actions against John "you seriously need to control your friends" he snapped at her as she sat on the sofa

"she has a right to an opinion" mickie spoke softly not wanting to make him any more angry than he already was

"i know" he snapped at her looking towards her, he wasn't even looking at her he was more glaring with hatred in his eyes "but she doesn't have to voice that opinion"

mickie stood up and began walking

"where are you going, im talking to you" he said

"to bed, im tired" she said softly

"woah, no you dont" he said "i paid for the room, your sleeping on the sofa, I heard your smart ass comment to your friends, if I don't find you attractive, why would I want to wake up to you in the morning" he sneered at her before slamming the bed room door.

Mickie let a tear escape as she looked at the door, she decided she couldn't take much more of this any more. Mickie took a deep breathe and decided, one more try, if standing up to him didnt work, then there was only one last thing to do.

She opened the door walking in and the man looked at her "are you deaf as well as stupid now"

"just shut up" mickie snapped

"excuse me?"

"i said shut up" mickie said

Her confidence drained from her when John walked over to her "go fuck yourself mickie, im not in the mood for you pmsing at me right now"

"I'd have to wouldn't i"

"what?" John asked confused

"fuck my self, you don't exactly keep me satisfied"

"yeah well your such a whore im surprised you don't have a few guys to take care of that little problem for you, god knows why they'd want to see you naked your not exactly hot dressed, proof was last night, could you of made your self look more terrible"

"yeah well, couldn't of been that bad, got a lot of offers"

John chuckled "oh is that so"

Mickie smirked and nodded "yeah it is"

"listen" John said getting angry "you want to drop this attitude you've got before I don't even give you the couch"

"that tells me so much"

John rolled his eyes "what now?" he asked

"the fact guys hit on me, your not even bothered"

"have them, I don't care, there welcome to you, your more fucking bother than your worth" John said sitting on the edge of the bed taking his shoes off

Mickie leaned close to John "Yanno, im not one of your blonde bitches you flirt with when you go out John, I'm not that concerned with keeping in your good books, I could do so much better than you and you know what, im going to, we're through" Mickie stood up and pulled the bedroom door open

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><p><em><strong>do you think she did the right thing?<strong>_


	8. Chapter 8

It had been three days since mickie walked out on John he was sat in the arena canteen fiddling with mickie's wedding ring that she left behind the night she waked out nothing with her just herself.

He half expected her to come crawling back the next morning like she has done in the past but, she never this time, has she actually left? He thought to himself.

Randy sat down opposite the man who looked up at him "what do you want?"

Randy looked at the man "to see if you were ok"

"I'm fine, just, just go push up on my wife like you've been dying to"

"what?" randy asked his face showing his confusion

"I'm not stupid, i know you were with her in the club, all the talking the smiles the whispering" john spoke

"i don't know what your talking about, dude I'm not interested in your wife"

John chuckled softly shaking his head "man enough to bone her but not man enough to admit it"

"yanno, your vulgar the way you talk about her, I'm glad she left you because she deserves so much better, she'll date a man that will appreciate her and one day john you will see what a dick you've been and what a great girl you've let go"

"naww did Mickie write that for you whilst you lay in bed together"

"sad thing is, deep down, you know Mickie wouldn't cheat on you and you know i wouldn't push up on your girl your just looking for a cheap excuse to play the victim and push all blame off you for this relationship failing" randy stood up "its pathetic, your pathetic, your gonna be real lonely when Cody and Ted don't want to put up with your shit any more because quite frankly no one else can stand you" he said before walking away from the man he'd known for years.

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><p>Mickie walked into the canteen with her three friends they were waiting for there food after they ordered when they spotted john.<p>

"ignore him" Mickie said "he's not worth it" she said taking her food from the women "thank you" she said

"your over him, just like that" Beth said smiling at the women taking her food.

"it's not that simple" Mickie spoke choosing a table as far away from John as possible "i loved him for 6 years, feelings like those don't just stop because the relationship ended" Mickie looked down at her food "i sleep a lot lately, just to stop myself going back"

Kelly rubbed her friends back "you'll get through this" she smiled

"yeah micks we're here for you" eve smiled from her position next to Beth. "day or night, any time"

"thanks" Mickie said softly "really, your about the only people who haven't told how you sore it coming or how your surprised i never left sooner"

"oh we will" Kelly joked "just when you stop hurting though, we like taking the piss but there's a time for it" Mickie laughed with the girls, little did she know john was watching her.

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><p><em><strong>check out the poll on my channel page<strong>_


	9. Chapter 9

Mickie was walking down the corridor's of the arena trying to find a quite place to stretch for her match as it steadily got busier she made her way towards the locker rooms. She decided to do some warm ups so began doing some stretching outside the locker room so as to have more space. She was bent over reaching for her toes when a voice from close behind her startled her.

"Well isn't that a nice view?" she turned around and Cody was standing behind her.

"what do you want Rhodes" I asked him annoyed he was the one that was always at mickie out of john's friends.

"I was talking about that huge sandwich that dude is eating. I haven't had chance to grab something to eat from catering yet" He defended himself, and she turned around and there in fact was a guy sitting on some crates eating a sandwich.

She smiled to herself and shook her head at the sight the man sure was enjoying his sandwich, she composed herself turning around to face the cocky superstar.

"what are you doing talking to me? Rhodes" she put her hands on her hips "don't you have some video game to go play or something"

"Well Cena, since we are on a last name basis and everything, life is what it is. You just need to learn your place, and that's with John, come back soon, I need someone to make me a sandwich"

"and what if I don't want to?" she asked "what if I don't want to be with John, or spend my life making you sandwich's"

"you will regret it" he threatened before pushing past her knocking her into the wall pushing her aside and walking away down the corridor.

Mickie stood there and she could feel the anger boiling up inside of her slowly before she blew and stormed off towards the one place she knew where John would be.

She didnt care that John was sat with management one being Stephanie McMahon.

"you've really hit rock bottom now" she raised her voice towards him

"what are you talking about?" John asked looking towards her

"you can get your friends to threaten me all you like im not coming back this time" she raised her voice causing everyone's attention to be brought to the estranged couple

"mickie maybe you should go calm down" Stephanie spoke standing up

"i put up with you pushing me around because we were married but ill be damned if I let your stupid ass friends do the same"

"mickie" Beth spoke coming over trying to pull the women away from the table that could easily end her career

"and tell your oh so dashing friend if he ever lays a finger on me again ill make sure he isn't so dashing" she said darkly before Beth pulled her away

"you ok?" she whispered to her friend "calm down ok"

"wait" Stephanie shouted "come back here" she spoke "if your making an accusation a male superstar touched you in a violent way you need to report it" she lowered her voice so the 'audience' gathered couldn't hear.

Mickie looked down and sighed

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><p><em><strong>The poll results<strong>_

_**The Wrestlers Girlfriend **_**38%**

_**Love Affair **_**30%**

_**she will be loved 15%**_

_**Cross your mind **_**7%**

_**Life after you **_**7%**


	10. Chapter 10

"you cant let them get to you" Beth spoke guiding mickie into the locker room by her shoulders trying to calm the women down, she knew mickie acting out like this was not going to be able to go over managements head for much longer. They were being light with her because she had just split up with her husband who she had loved and spent 6 years of her life with.

"what's going on?" Kelly asked looking up from her phone when the two came closer to her whilst she sat on the bench.

"mickie just had a right go at John in front of management" one of the Bella twins smiled, clearly being amused by the situation that she had just witnessed.

"yeah, thanks" Beth spoke towards the women giving her a look since she wasn't impressed by the women's actions and lack of sympathy.

"what why?" eve asked as mickie sat next to her

"Cody threatened her" Beth informed the two other girls in there little friendship group

"what?" Kelly raised her voice from the shock

Mickie was fiddling with her fingers "he said id regret it if I didnt take John back, look I have to go, I have a match" mickie spoke standing up and leaving the divas locker room to have her match.

"she's going to go back isn't she" eve said towards Beth

Beth sighed "i don't know"

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><p>John was sat in his locker room leaning on his hand he looked up when the door opened.<p>

Randy stepped in the room closing the door behind him "i don't want to argue"

"me either" John said softly

Randy sat down on the couch opposite John "dude what happened to you, you've turned into such, an"

"ass hole" John offered

"ok" randy said confused that John knew he was one

"ive lost her haven't i" John said sadly whilst looking down at the floor

"you did treat her horribly John, what do you expect, im surprised she stuck around for as long as she did, you cant say she didnt try to make it work john"

"funny how when you loose something special you re-evaluate everything" he said sadly

"why have you been an ass hole for so long John, what changed"

John sighed "i don't know, ive been so busy and I barely had time for myself and I guess things just got on top of me and instead of dealing with it I took it out on mickie"

"maybe you should take some time off" randy said

"im not taking time off" John spoke softly

"dude your burned out, there's no shame in admitting you need time away" randy spoke

"i cant leave now"

"why not?"

"i still need to make things right with mickie before I even think about leaving" John rubbed his head "i know she wont take me back but, I'd at least like to know ive made her hate me a little less"


	11. Chapter 11

John pulled his hotel room door open and stood there was a nervous looking mickie "i-i don't want to argue, I just, I left my phone charger here"

John nodded and stepped aside she nervously walked in and began looking for the charger as John took a seat.

Mickie looked in the draw of junk they had in the room when she noticed something "why do you have our doctors card" mickie asked, they had the same doctor which they always joked about it was a weird thing grew up miles apart but had the same doctor growing up

"no reason" John spoke

"john" mickie said turning to him

"it doesn't concern you any more" he looked towards her

"john if somethings going on with you I want to know" mickie asked concerned and annoyed that he wouldn't just tell her

"like I said it doesn't concern you" John said slightly more forceful

"fine whatever" mickie said throwing her hands up "deal with your shit on your own, I may hate what you've put me through but it doesn't mean I don't care I gave you 6 years of my life"

"i never said you didnt care" John spoke softly

* * *

><p>Mickie was looking through the bowl on the table when John rushed over and took something out of it she looked at him "what is going on?" mickie raised her voice<p>

"nothing" John said "it's just, a creame for a rash I have"

Mickie pulled a grossed out look and walked away, John couldn't help but smile at the face he always used to find cute. "im glad I haven't slept with you then, don't want your germs" she said

"yeah" John said with a sigh "lucky you" the thing John took out the bowl were tablets, they helped with his mood swings.

"dude fancy a game?" Cody spoke walking in "aahh bitch came crawling back then" Cody sat down picking up the controller "i could do with a sandwich"

John stood in shock, how had he never noticed until now how horrible Cody was to his wife

"why do you look so shocked" mickie asked him "he's called me a lot worse and you never even back an eyelid" she spoke to him before walking out the room

"out" John said taking the controller from Cody

"what?"

"get out, your not talking to my wife like that and think you can sit here like nothing happened"

"ex-wife" Cody pointed out taking the controller back

"she's still my wife smart ass" he said taking it back "now get out before I throw you out"

"what is wrong with you?" Cody asked standing up

John looked Cody straight in the eyes "you can either take your self through that door or ill throw you threw the wall" John spoke "take your pick"

"whatever dude" Cody spoke pulling the door open and walking out slamming it


	12. Chapter 12

John was stood with randy it was slowly getting around John was going to be off the road for awhile whilst he took some time off.

Beth came towards the pair "rumour is your leaving" she said

John nodded "need some time away"

"from what?" Beth asked

"this place, I'm burned out, need some down time" john spoke softly trying not to rise to her tone

"funny how you need 'down time' after your break up with Mickie"

"yeah, when you loose something special it gets you thinking about your life" he said before walking away with randy who patted his back

"you handled that well man"

"guess these anger management things are working then"

"special?" Beth called out "you may have tried treating her that way"

"don't, rise to it john" randy spoke "just keep walking"

"that's it" Beth called out "keeping running away from the shit you cause, that's all your good at doing, causing shit and leaving other people to clear it up for you"

"i, i have to say something" john said to randy he calmly walked back to Beth "look, i appreciate you have an opinion about this but you don't know all the facts so I'd like it if you kept those opinions to yourself"

"mickie told me everything john, we sat up the night she dumped you and she told me all the things you've said to her"

John nodded "ok"

"ok?" Beth questioned

"well what ever i say ill be 'making an excuse' for my behaviour so, i cant win"

"its always about you isn't it, you swan off see your specialist doctor about your anger issues, yeah, i know about it, go on go and sit at home for a few weeks and leave behind your wife who wont even look in the mirror after all the insults you and your idiotic friends have thrown at her, you run along clueless about the mental damage you've caused to the women you report to love, your pathetic john, anger issues my fucking ass, your just a prick with a chip on his shoulder who thinks he's better than everyone else"

"that's enough Beth" randy said coming over

"look have your opinion believe what you want to believe because quite frankly i dont care what you or what anybody else thinks, the only person i care about right now is mickie, all i want is for her to understand i was sick im trying to get better and that im sorry for what i put her through"

"its gonna take a whole lot more than a sorry" Beth said before walking away

"um" randy said scratching his face "FYI I agree with everything she said"

"thanks man" John spoke looking at him John sighed "me to" he spoke knowing what Beth said was right.


	13. Chapter 13

Beth looked at mickie looking down the corridor looking sad "you ok?" Beth asked softly

She sighed "is it wrong to of wanted a bye from him?" she said watching as he walked away not to be seen for another week mickie then groaned putting her hands to her face "i hate this" mickie said sitting down on the crate with Beth "when I see him from afar or when I think about him I miss him so much, but when we talk, I hate him, he annoys me so much, I hate the fact he wont even acknowledge what he's done"

"maybe he will" Beth said

"doubt that will happen" she said sadly looking down at the floor

"hey what we gonna do tonight?" Kelly asked as she came out the divas locker room, Kelly wasn't the brightest bulb in the box, sure everyone has there dumb moments but Kelly has more than her fair share.

"that all depends on what I have to do tonight" mickie said as looked up

"and how long it takes you to realise your script is upside down" Beth joked

"oh come on it was an easy mistake to make" Kelly defended herself

"you had your script upside down and you thought it was was Maryse's because you thought it was written in French"

"whatever" Kelly said glancing away as eve came out the locker room

"well im off to Australia for the week" she spoke

"im gonna miss you" Kelly said hugging her

"it's a media tour, I will be back" eve smiled "i have to go" eve nodded before walking away

"ring us" Beth called out after her

"ok" she called back

"come on dude" randy orton said shoving his friend in the shoulder as he followed behind him

"guys you know i would if i could" Ted Dibiase said

"what's going on?" beth asked

"he owes us 10 bucks from the poker game last night"

"and i dont have the money to pay them"

"here" mickie said handing randy a ten from her pocket "you can just pay me back when you have the money" mickie said to her husbands friend randy

"how do you have money and not me"

"because i budget my wages not bet it away on that stupid poker you guys play"

"stupid" Ted questioned "its not stupid"

"oh yeah because its such a joy throwing money away"

"its not throwing it away, with my share of that 10 im getting my dinner tonight" Ted said to Kelly who just pulled a stupid face at hi

Mickie was stood on her iphone she recently got "i cant hang out tonight"

"why?" Kelly asked looking at her

"seems as I have a telephone interview after the show" mickie said glancing up

"mickie" Beth whined

"im sorry" mickie said "but you could come hang out there, I can talk for a bit before the interview then we can hang out afterwards

"ok fine" Beth spoke "it's better than sitting in on my own"

"i guess ill come to then" Kelly nodded the girls then walked awa

"speaking of plans what are we doing tonight" Ted asked as randy had his eyes glued to his phone

* * *

><p>"can I ask a question?" mickie asked as she walked away with her two friends "since when did we like Ted and randy"<p>

"we don't it's called being civil" Beth spoke

"you lent him money not us" Kelly chuckled

"he was nice to me the night we went out, thought id return the favour"


	14. Chapter 14

Mickie was sat in a coffee house looking out at the rain beating against the window when someone sat next to her.

"hey" randy said softly sitting down opposite her with his coffee she looked at him "you look tired"

"not slept much" she said looking down at her drink, mickie wanted to cry as she thought about how John a year ago would of liked the fact she was being civil with his friend. Mickie hadn't cried in public or in front of anyone since the day, the day she left John which was a little over a week ago. She learned to save all her tears for the times when she was alone, and every night she cried herself to sleep like clockwork. If Beth noticed during the nights when they were sharing a room, she never mentioned it. She also refused to talk to anybody other than Beth about what she was feeling, because she was tired of looking pathetic in front of everyone. And she gets the line, well you did leave him, little did they know what she did put with and for how long.

"yanno, John was burned out, he wasn't himself"

Mickie shook her head "dont make excuses randy, he knew what he was doing"

Randy looked at her "maybe he did m-"

"he did randy and he couldn't care less how it made me feel" she said softly sipping her coffee

"when he lost you" randy spoke "it was like a wake up call for him, he realised what he had done"

"im not getting into this randy, nothing you can say will make me ever think what he did was right or justified"

"im not trying to, ive told him what i think about the situation, and personally i wouldn't blame you if you filed for divorce tomorrow but, he's trying mickie, you've got to see that"

"how can i when i dont see him or even talk to him" mickie asked "yanno, i walked away hoping he would do the chasing for once, prove in spite of what he said about me he still loved me" mickie looked down "not once has he even tried"

"mickie you know he loves you" randy said softly

"do i?" she questioned "you've not seen the looks or heard what he's said to me" she said "look i have to go" mickie sensed her tears coming and needed to leave before anyone sore them rolling down her face

"mickie" randy turned around calling after her, he sighed and turned back to the table to find his phone ringing "hello?"

"hey its me"

"oh, hey john, what's up?"

"ive just got done with the psychiatrist"

"and?"

"i feel good, sleeping in till noon some time on my own talking to someone about what im feeling, yeah, i feel less stressed and angry already"

"that's good man" randy said softly

"so what's going on your end" john asked sitting down in the apartment he bought with Mickie, he had hoped to spend time away without reminders of what he had lost but there was things linked to Mickie everywhere in every room.

"um, not a lot, the usual" randy said

* * *

><p>Mickie slammed the main door and rushed right to her bedroom got under the covers and cried. "babe" Kelly said softly coming into the room, she sat on the side of the bed "it's ok to miss him" she said looking at the bump in the covers "you loved him for 6 years people do understand those feelings don't just go away because of the way he treated you"<p>

"i just want him to hug me and tell me everything's gonna be ok like he used to" she cried from under the covers Kelly touched the place Mickie lay under the covers

"he'll be back next week, maybe you should talk to him" when there wasn't a response Kelly stood up and left the women in her room and closed the door quietly.


	15. Chapter 15

John was due back today Mickie had barely come out her room the whole week she lied and told management she had food poisoning, but she just wanted to lay in bed and cry over the fact she lost her husband like she wanted to since she left him.

She had breakfast and went back to hiding under her covers before anyone else she roomed with woke up. Everything was just getting too much for her she wanted to just close her eyes and wake up to the night they thought there life was set, there wedding night when everything was love laughter and lust. Every time, She was disappointed.

She couldn't stop shaking, She was overwhelmed with all the emotions She was angry, hurt, heart broken and those were just the ones she could make out. This time a week ago, She was hoping today would come quick the day she could talk to john, but now it was here, she didnt want it to be that day, she couldn't confront him she knew what ever he said she would just go back and endure him all over again.

* * *

><p>She heard the door creek open, She looked up, part of her hoping that it was John back from the toilet and the 10 months had just been a bad dream and he was going to cuddle up behind her not realising his morning semi was already present.<p>

"I want him back Beth, I want him back so bad" she said sadly when she sat on the side of the bed in the darkness. She felt her heart beating out of her chest, the tight feeling she has hadn't gone away since John didnt seem to care that she had left him. It was suffocating her. The worse thing was, She had no clue what was going to happen, would it always be there a constant reminder of the pain from walking away from john.

Everything was just hurting, her whole body ached for him, yearned for him, even if he was just going to insult her, she craved his attention however negative that was.

"he's back, i sore him this afternoon" Beth said softly "i didnt have the chance to tell you" Beth looked down "he did look healthier, he didnt look so warn out, i dont know about his mental state but physically, he seems a lot better" Beth stood up "you should probably get up, we need to go to the arena"

"ok" mickie said softly

"ill meet you by the car" Beth spoke before closing the door behind her

* * *

><p>Mickie was stood by Beth's car waiting for her and the other girls to arrive. She found it nice to breathe fresh air after being stuck in the same three rooms for a week.<p>

Mickie felt her chest tighten though when randy and john seemed to be making there way towards her, john more reluctantly it seemed.

"hey" randy said "Beth told me to give you this and tell you, she'll be right out just grabbing some doughnuts" he said with a soft smile handing Mickie her phone

"thanks" Mickie said looking down at her phone in her hand

"look Mickie if the conversation we had last week upset you i"

Mickie cut him off "it's fine, really" she said with a small smile

"you wrestling tonight?" he asked

"yeah" Mickie nodded

"well um, good luck" he said "bye Mickie" he said turning and began walking away

"bye" john said softly to her

"bye" she whispered as there eyes met she looked down once john walked away

"you ok?" eve asked joining her friends side

"your back" Mickie said hugging her

"yeah, and not a moment to soon by what Kelly's told me" eve spoke as Kelly put her bag down at her feet

"it just, it hit me i lost him, i got a bit depressed" Mickie said softly "I'm fine now though"

"ok as long as your sure" eve said taking her hand

Mickie nodded "I'm sure"


	16. Chapter 16

Beth soon got back to the car and smiled seeing mickie laughing "about time" mickie spoke "im getting cold" she said

"sorry, the man behind the counter was chatting me up" Beth said opening the boot

"did you get his number?" eve asked handing her case over to Beth for her to put in the boot.

"nope" Beth said

"did you give him yours" Kelly asked next to hand Beth her case to put in the boot

"nope"

"then what was the hold up?" mickie asked handing hers over

"well im sorry that he was stalling to talk to me" Beth chuckled

"why do you have to be so good looking" mickie asked opening the door "i hate waiting for my doughnuts" she said shutting the door

The girls chuckled "good to have you back micks" Beth said through the back

Mickie turned to look at Beth outside the car at the boot "good to be back" she smiled

* * *

><p>John got into randy's car shut the door and leant on it "what's wrong with you, you were fine before" randy asked<p>

John rubbed his face as randy started his car "i just said bye to her" Randy looked at him "she said bye back" john said sadly "i was kind of hoping she'd ask to talk"

"what did you want her to say?" randy asked

"that she missed me and wanted to start again" John spoke honestly

"you ever thought since you were miles in the wrong, you should take it one step at a time and you be the one to apologise and ask for another chance, why does it always have to be her john, your in the wrong, she walked away from you, you should be asking for another chance not her"

John looked out the front window as they pulled onto the roads "i wouldn't know where to start"

"well, if you want her back, id try to figure it out because, this time, i don't think she'll come back to you so easily your gonna have to fight for her. And it's not gonna be easy, so you need to work out if she's worth the long fight"

* * *

><p>Mickie was in the car riding along the empty roads looking out her window feeling free, she never realised how trapped she felt when she was with John until she had walked away from him. Of course she missed john she didn't spend the last week crying and in bed for the fun of it. "ok so tonight? Are we going out for drinks?" Kelly asked "because i think we should, we can celebrate eve coming home" Kelly smiled<p>

"that's if eve isn't tired from her flight still" Mickie called out

"you joking stuff the jet lag i want to go out with my girls" eve smiled

"i think that's settled then" Mickie smiled "after the show we'll go for some drinks, I'm not dressing up though" Mickie informed her friends

"oh me either" Beth said "we're just going the pub its nothing special"

"oh i see how it is" eve joked with a smile "eves not worth getting dressed up and going to a club ill remember this ladies"

The girls were laughing as they pulled up to a set of traffic lights little did they realise randy and john were watching them, john sadly more than anything that Mickie seemed to be happier away from him then with him.

* * *

><p><em><strong>sorry for the wait :) i was on holiday, don't forget to review :D<strong>_

_**Do you think john will bother to fight for her?**_


	17. Chapter 17

John sat down on the steel chair empty next to randy in front of the monitor, the divas and superstars often sat and watched the matches when they had nothing else to do. "who's next?" John asked picking up a bottle of water from under his chair that randy got for him.

"divas" randy said simply

"hey" Ted said sitting down "how was your week off"

"it was good thanks" john said softly

"all de stressed" he asked

"yeah" john nodded watching Beth make her entrance

"so was randy exaggerating or are you a new man" Ted chuckled

John chuckled also "id like to of thought id changed for it, time will tell ay" john smiled

The camera was on Beth rolling her wrists with her smirk looking up the ramp waiting for her opponent. Mickie's music hit and the usual cheers were heard she bounced down the ramp slapping hands on the way before sliding into the ring. John never took his eyes off Mickie the whole match

"if your letting her go, your only hurting yourself by doing this john" randy said softly

"what? So i can never watch a match she's in just because we're not together any more"

"i never said that"

"good" John said turning his head back to the TV as Mickie stood tall on the turn buckle. Out of nowhere Mickie ended up on the outside everyone didn't understand why it all happened so fast if you blinked you missed it and Beth was no where near her or the ropes. They showed a replay and mickie's foot slipped she hit her back on the ring post hit the ring apron then slammed into the floor.

"we need emts out here this young women hasn't moved" jerry the king Lawler said into his head set People knew it was bad and not staged when jerry Lawler came from behind the desk to go to the women's aid. "Mickie, can you hear me Mickie" jerry said leaning down to see the women's eyes closed. He then motioned towards the back for the doctor and medical assistance as the ref motioned more urgently to the back. Kelly and Eve rushed out down the ramp to the women. They cut to Michael Cole telling the world they were cutting to a commercial break and would keep them posted on mickie's condition.

Mickie began regaining consciousness and her whole body was hurting. "babe you've had an accident don't try to move" she heard the voice of Kelly say

"where am i?"

"your at ring side, you fell, does anything hurt?" Kelly asked

"everything" Mickie said the sound of pain evident in her voice

"ok try not to move there coming babe" Kelly said moving back with eve to give them some room to work. The crowd clapped when they helped Mickie to her feet after determining there was no sign of a broken back. She went to walk but her ankle gave away from under neath her like it wasn't even there.


	18. Chapter 18

Mickie got backstage with the help of the doctor and referees. They did not go to far they just moved because the show was going to be back on air soon.

Mickie was being watched by john and the other members of the roster stood near by wanting to see if she was ok.

She was sat on the floor against the wall as the doctor tried to take her boot off to see the damage to her ankle.

She shoved his hands away as she cried out in pain. "come on man your hurting her" john found himself saying

The doctor like mickie looked towards john both for very different reasons, why did he care all of a sudden? Was what went through Mickie's mind "i know john but we need to get it off so i can see what's wrong"

"be gentle then" he said more softly towards the man, john felt helpless not being able to help her, he wanted to help but he wasn't sure it would be gratefully received by mickie.

"one more time ok, were going quickly, im going to pull the boot off it will hurt" the doctor said "ready" she nodded "1,2" he pulled the boot off and mickie cried out in pain.

Kelly and eve who were stood behind the doctor gave her a sympathetic look.

The doctor took the tape off from around her foot and ankle.

"oh wow" he said "that's some serious swelling and bruising"

"that's it?" Mickie asked as she breathed through the pain or at least tried to "its not broken?"

"id have to have a feel but i think that's for when your in my office with gas and air" he said "but I'm pretty sure you've not broken your ankle"

"how long do you think it will take for her to recover" Stephanie asked

"it's hard to say, different people heal differently from sprains and bruising like this, a few weeks and that's only if shes just sprained it" he said turning his head to Stephanie

"ok well lets get you to his office then go from there" Stephanie said with a soft smile to the women.

* * *

><p>Mickie was sat on the bed in the doctors room "why does he care all of a sudden"<p>

"who?" Kelly asked her friend

"john, did you see the way he was looking at me and what he said"

"i told you, he seems to have changed" Beth said from her position leaning on the wall "take a lot for him to get me to trust him again though"

"me to" Mickie said softly before looking towards her other two friends "girls" she said smiling towards the two "that's meant to be for me and my pain"

Eve looked at mickie with the gas and air pipe in her mouth "my bad" she said when she was handing it back over "i just wanted to see what it taste like"

Beth chuckled "your so weird but i love you so much" all the girls chuckled as the doctor came back in

"ok so here's a prescription for some pain killers that should last you 2 weeks and my only advice try to walk on it as little as you can and put ice on it as often as you can, it will help with the swelling"

"ok thank you" Mickie said as she carefully got off the bed

"thanks" the other three girls chimed in as they shut the door behind them.

"so much for going out ay" mickie said as they made there way down the hall


	19. Chapter 19

"come on then tiny Tim" Beth smiled watching as Mickie limped into there room

"not funny" Mickie said wincing as she walked to the couch and sat down.

"i am so glad its us four sharing a room" Beth said closing the door behind eve and Kelly

"why?" eve asked sitting down

"id die of exhaustion waiting on this one for 2 weeks on my own" Beth joked jerking a thumb towards Mickie

Mickie chuckled "i wont be that bad i promise" she said softly

"why don't you go get into bed ill bring you a drink through soon" Beth smiled

"is that code for piss off we want to talk about you" mickie chuckled standing up

"no, i just think you should get into bed and watch some TV instead of watching it out here, where you'll have to move again soon and you may be comfier"

"suppose" mickie said limping into her room and onto her bed

She sat with her back against the wall with pillows behind her her legs stretched out across the double bed, she flicked through the channels and finally found something to watch. "micks" Beth said poking her head in "you have a visitor" she said softly

When Beth disappeared from view john came into view. Mickie sighed "what do you want?" she asked

"look i know your angry at me"

"angry" Mickie said turning her attention back to the TV "that's an understatement"

"i jus, i just wanted to come see you were ok"

"or watch me in pain, you liked doing that" John looked down "why don't i cry it'll make it even better for you, maybe even worth the trip"

John looked up at her "i wasn't myself"

"id buy that bullshit if you were like it for a week but a year, it doesn't wash with me"

"look you can be moody with me all you want but we need to talk about this"

"we don't need to talk about anything, you treated me like shit i got tired of it so i left, there's nothing to talk about so just leave, we're done"

"aren't i even owed a chance to explain why i did what i did"

"i owe you nothing, and you did what you did because you were a prick who enjoyed the power and the fact you had a stupid wife that waited on you hand and foot day and night" Mickie looked at him "why are you even here and don't give me the i came to see you were ok crap"

John looked down "i thought its about time i was the one crawling back asking for another chance"

"oh so not because you think you did wrong you just thought it was your turn, your unbelievable"

John sighed "it came out wrong"

"whatever john" she said "go flirt with those blonde girls you liked so much"

Mickie went to turn over but john walked forward grabbed the remote and turned the TV off "we're talking about this whether you like it or not"


	20. Chapter 20

John was sat on the floor leaning against the wall "now your not even going to talk to me"

"I've said all i wanted to say" Mickie said looking away from him out the window, they spoke, well raised there voices at one another for two hours until they both went quite.

"you see i don't think you have, there's a lot more you want to say but your to scared to"

Mickie looked briefly down at her hands "I hate myself because of you" she said softly looking out at the moon "you used to make me feel like i was the most gorgeous women on the earth"

John looked into space "and then what did i make you feel like"

"nothing more than something you would step in on the street" Mickie spoke as john closed his eyes "you make me feel worthless an, im letting you do that any more" she said as more tears escaped her eyes

"i never meant to hurt you" john said "i wasn't good at controlling everything and handling everything, and i took it out on you, i was so wrong i treated you like shit and i lost you because of it"

"you've never said sorry, everything you did to me or said to me and you never said sorry"

"i should of yeah but now, a sorry just doesn't feel good enough"

Mickie looked at him "it isn't, but it would be nice to know you show some remorse for what you did"

John rubbed his head "i do have remorse, i just dont know how to show it"

Mickie turned her head away once again "you never did when we were dating and just married either, you would always get me some lame flowers i never wanted" mickie chuckled softly

John chuckled also "why did you except them then?"

"because i new that was you trying to apologise, and you always got me my favourite flowers in my favourite colour, it showed me you put thought into them you didnt just pick up the first bunch you sore"

"somehow i dont think flowers will fix this" john said softly

"no, no they wont"

Beth walked in and they were sat in silence mickie gazing out the window whilst John watched her "i think you should go now" Beth spoke "she needs to get some sleep"

John sighed rubbed his face and stood up "when can I see you again" he asked softly he looked down when mickie didn't answer John left something on her bed before walking out feeling as if he got no where with his talk with her, he spent three hours with her talking over the things he had done and said to her, what scared him the most was the fact most of them he couldn't remember doing. He knew mickie was telling the truth and that he did in fact do those things but it worried him that he for the life of him couldn't remember doing them. It got him thinking about what other things could he of done to his wife the person he's meant to love unconditionally till death do them part, but she just wasn't telling him about.

As her three friends sat on her bed she picked up the thing John left "can, can one of you read it to me, I don't feel like reading it" she said softly as she realised it was a letter he had wrote to her.

"sure" eve said softly taking it from the women she opened it up and began reading it out loud.


	21. Chapter 21

_Dear mickie,_

_I want to work this out between us I cant tell you how sorry I am for what I have put you through I wish we could talk about this and try to work it out. I know there's no excuse for things ive done and said to you but im still very much in love with you and I think you may be to. We can work this out and be like best friends again, I would get down on my knees and beg at your feet if that's what it takes for you to give me another chance to be apart of your life. I'm determined to keep you in my life, im lost without you._

_I've had sleepless nights tossing and turning thinking about what happened between us all I could hear was my heart beating much faster than it ever has worrying about you hundreds maybe thousands of miles away while im sat here at the kitchen table writing this._

_It took a year for me to get you and a year for me to loose you, ive made mistakes not sharing my worries with you like a man is meant to with his wife but I didnt want you to worry also. And I didnt handle it all to well I lashed out at you many of times verbally, I should of realised sooner that I was behaving the way I was but in my mind I hadn't changed._

_I only realised that when you left me and I had three days to sit and think about everything, I know it's probably hard for you to believe that a few counselling sessions and a new found outlet for my anger can help but I promise you it has, ive changed so much in this past week. I still have work to do ive got a long way to go but im not going to stop until im the man that was stood at that alter and you promised your life to._

_A few people have told me you've said you cant forgive me and neither will you forgot the pain I caused you but ever since I had time realise what I had done was wrong ive regretted it._

_There are no words from which I can say the importance you have in my life, it seems like everything has faded and there is no colour in the world for me._

_I know we have been through very hard times and I accept that it was all was my fault but I also apologize to you and you also need know that I love you very, very much and that I can't live without you._

_I know sorry is just a word, but for what it's worth I am very sorry for hurting you over this past year, and I hope you can find it in yourself to give me another chance I know forgiving me will take time but just give me a chance to prove im not the man you grew to hate._

_Ill be thinking about you_

_John_


	22. Chapter 22

Mickie was sat in the gym watching the girls work out, mainly Beth, she was amazed by her. Randy sat next to her "can i help you?" she asked

"you look tired"

"thanks for politely telling me i look like shit" Mickie said looking away

"not sleeping huh?" randy asked

Mickie looked at him "i was until i hurt my ankle"

"right" he nodded

"gonna go report back to john now then" Mickie said looking away once again

"he really misses you yanno"

"yeah well I've been missing him for the past year about time he knew just a small percentage of what he put me through"

"so your doing this out of spite"

"yeah i ended the hell relationship to spite him" Mickie said sarcastically "look I've had Cody threaten me i don't need you to"

Randy took a breathe "I'm not here to judge you or tell you what to do, I'm just, I'm concerned about you"

"you haven't cared before"

"your my best friends wife I'm obligated to care about you"

"you've had a funny way of showing it" she mumbled

"look, ill be the first person to tell you john was a prick I'm not taking sides hell he accused me of wanting to sleep with you when you broke it off with him, his head was in a bad place and i truly believe he's changing and its my job as the best man to help you guys through your rough patch"

"its worse than a rough patch randy"

"granted, that may be true, but, cant you sit down and talk one more time"

"no"

"what if i was there as a mediator" randy gasped "i could be like jerry springer"

Mickie chuckled "as fun as that sounds" she said sarcastically "ill pass"

"you can bring Beth to then, so you don't feel like we're ganging up on you or anything"

* * *

><p>Mickie sat down on the couch in John and Randy's room with Beth next to her neither really wanting to be here but, Beth made mickie because she knew if her and John were ever going to to rekindle what they once had this may be the last chance to.<p>

John looked up at his wife opposite him before looking away "why are we doing this?" he asked "its pointless"

"so trying to salvage our marriage is pointless now" mickie asked with some what of an attitude

"yanno I'm not even gonna say anything because you'll twist that as well" John shook his head, he didnt know why he even tried sometimes

"dude not helping" randy said

"no" john said standing up "I'm not doing this shit any more I've poured my heart out on more than one occasion I've apologised I've gotten counselling i gave her space there's not anything else i could possibly do to get this marriage back on track she wants it over fine it's over" john said putting his wedding ring down next to mickie's that had been on the table for days "I'm not doing this shit any more" he said going into his room slamming the door


	23. Chapter 23

John pulled the bedroom door open after an hour "why are you even here still" he said towards his whatever she was now to him that was sat on the couch. He pulled the fridge open to get a bottle of water

"cant exactly leave can i" she said annoyed towards him

"why not?" he said sitting at the table with his drink

"Beth stole my crutches and left with randy" she said looking at her hands in her lap

There was a silence between them and a very uncomfortable one. Mickie lay out on the couch looking up at the ceiling. "make yourself at home why dont you" John said

"i will thanks"

John shook his head "your not the same women i married"

"what?" mickie asked sitting up "are you fucking kidding me right now? You have got a nerve sitting there telling me ive changed" she shook her head "the man i married would of never called me ugly or a whore and made me sleep on the couch because i was something he didnt want to see when he woke up"

"whatever just keep telling yourself lies" he said

"your a prick" mickie said lieing back down

"the women i married didnt swear, she didnt insult me and she sure as hell put out a lot more"

"oh so your turning this into about sex, what did you expect john you said i was ugly called me fat i didnt sleep with you because you made me feel horrible about myself so i didnt want to be naked in front of you because god only knows what other insults you would of thrown at me"

John looked at the women laying on the couch and a pang of guilt spread through him "im only acting like this because im scared" he said looking down at his hands

"what in the world do you have to be scared about?" mickie questioned "you have the job the cars the flat"

"ive been with you for so long i dont know how to live my life without you" he said looking out the window

"i know there's things you wont to say but your to scared to" mickie said softly

John put his hands at the side of his head as he got teary even just thinking about the thing he wanted to talk about. "when you lost that baby" he started "i couldn't stand seeing you so upset, you were devastated and i didnt know how to comfort you every time i looked at you i knew you were going through hell and what you were going through was because of my selfishness in wanting a baby i pushed you into having one and you were feeling all this pain of loosing the baby because of me, i wanted to be there for you but i felt like i shouldn't be knowing i was the one that caused it and as time went by and we learned to live with it and i began wanting to try again i pushed you away, i thought by pushing you away and not sleeping with you, i wouldn't have the temptation to want to conceive another child and put you through all of that again, but you kept asking for sex and hinting you wanted sex and i couldn't do it i couldn't do the thing i knew that one small mistake could put you back in that position of feeling that pain again, so i started being horrible to you so you wouldn't want to sleep with me" john was sobbing by the end as he told mickie the story which was making mickie emotional seeing him so emotional him self "it got out of hand an im sorry im so sorry im sorry mickie im so sorry" he sobbed Mickie wiped a tear as he stood up and went into his bedroom.


	24. Chapter 24

Mickie limped into Johns room and got on the bed "john" she said trying to roll him to face her "john" she sighed "john don't push me away again" she let her hand drop from his arm looked down and got off the bed left his bedroom and struggled back towards her own hotel room on her bad ankle.

"Mickie?" Beth said shocked seeing her friend struggle through the door "what are you doing here?" she asked jumping up

Mickie looked at her as randy and her other two friends watched on "I cant deal with him pushing me away any more" she said before going to the kitchen table and putting ice on her ankle that was throbbing.

"you know you shouldn't walk on your ankle" Beth said taking the ice and checking over her ankle

"well someone stole my crutches" mickie said

"you two needed to talk" Beth spoke "and that's the only way you wouldn't get up and leave"

"how did that work out for you?" mickie asked

"what made you leave?" Beth asked "must of been bad"

Mickie sighed "he was crying" she whispered to her

"what?" Beth whispered "and you just left?"

Mickie looked at her "he wouldn't let me comfort him, so I left"

Beth looked at her "you know my thoughts towards John but, as you said, he's your husband, for better for worse, I know you still love him mickie, try once more, John never cries, some thing's changed there mickie and you should go back and try"

Mickie sighed looking at her friend she held so much respect for "thank you" she said softly

* * *

><p>John was lying on his bed an arm behind his head looking up at the ceiling, he thought his life was set when mickie told him she was pregnant and he held that positive pregnancy test in his hands he almost didnt want to put it in the bin. He turned his head when his door opened he looked at the person briefly before turning his head away. "randy's looking for you" mickie spoke quietly, she was lieing and she had no reason why she was.<p>

"didnt look very far" he said softly

"guess not" she looked down "thought id come back and see if you were ok, I didnt want to leave you like that"

"yet you did" John said closing his eyes not wanting to see her sad eyes looking towards him

"you've left me alone in our room sobbing before now and on more than one occasion so don't through it in my face when you don't have room to" mickie spoke softly

John sighed "you come to have a go or see if I was ok"

"guess you know what I felt like then, wondering whether you cared or just wanted to stick the knife in further" John couldn't understand how she could compare the situations, they were completely different. "most of the time it was to stick the knife in further, I guess that's where we differ, I do exactly hurt when I see the person I love hurting themselves"

"Don't mickie" John said softly

"Don't what? Tell you how you made me feel, you wanted to know, im telling you" she said softly

John rubbed his face "i don't need this right now mickie"

"you don't need it? How do you think I felt day after day insult after insult, it's always about you, it always has been, even before we got married if John didnt want to do something we didnt but if I didnt ooh I was being boring"

John sat up "if I was so bad why did you stay with me why did you marry me, why, why did you agree to conceive my child" he asked looking at her

"those are questions ive been asking myself for a couple of months now, still no closer to finding out" she spoke softly mickie sighed "my lawyer will be in touch" she spoke "there's no point to us any more, clearly we cant fix this, I think we should just get a divorce and be done with it all" she said before limping out shutting the bed room door behind her


	25. Chapter 25

Mickie turned away from john's door after shutting it apart of her wanted the door to swing open and him going to chase after her, but he didn't.

"who are you?" Mickie asked, john sat up on his bed hearing Mickie talking suddenly he was thankful to the thin walls

"i was thinking" a mans voice said that john didn't recognise "yanno, since, you and john are clearly no more, maybe you and me" he said

"no" mickie said sternly

"i never finished" the man said annoyed at the fact she interrupted him

"yeah i can see where this is going, no" Mickie said to the man she could only assume was a super fan of hers or something.

"listen you stupid bitch don't you ever interrupt me again" he grabbed a handful of her hair "what if i act like john huh? What if i push you around and leave marks on your body huh? Will you sleep with me then Mickie" He shouted in her face the next thing the man new was a fist connecting with his face.

* * *

><p>Mickie brought her knees up to her chest squashed in a corner trying not to watch as john repeatedly punched this man on the floor. Mickie would flinch at the noise his fist connecting would make against the mans face. Mickie looked up hearing several deep voices calling at john as they dragged him off the man.<p>

"Mickie" randy said kneeling in front of her "Mickie you look petrified" he said concerned John looked at the women as he breathed heavily, the fear he sore in her eyes the way her body was shaking ever so slightly made it harder for him to calm down.

Mickie struggled to her feet "i-i-i need to go" Mickie said rushing out as quick as she could

"dude what happened?" Ted asked "why did you do that? Do you know how much trouble you can get into?"

"he put his hands on Mickie" john argued

Randy looked at john "pretty rich coming from you, you had no problem with it when you did it" he said

"randy" john said shocked that his friend would say that

"yanno what john stay out my way, i thought you'd changed but clearly not" randy then left but john wasn't that far behind

"what did you expect me to do randy" he shouted "she may want a divorce but I'm meant to just stay in my room while he hurt her am i?"

Randy turned to the man "she wants a divorce?" randy asked

John sighed and nodded "yeah, i guess, i guess since she had just said it to me i had all this emotion and, hearing that, i dunno what happened" john spoke looking down

"you cared, that's what happened"

"of course i care" john said softly "she was the love of my life she was meant to be the one id spend my life with" john then spoke softer then he ever had before "No one ever comes close to her for me"

"then fight for her" randy said "dude if she means that much to you don't let her go without a real fight"

John sighed "shes made her mind up, whatever i say, wont change the fact I've lost her, it just wont, and after the way i treated her, she deserves a hell of a lot better"

"yeah, maybe she does but, who says you cant be the one to do that, granted you have a lot more work to do but your trying, that's gotta count for something right"

John nodded "you would think so, i just, i don't know what i have to do, if i knew id do it instantly"

Randy sighed "look, i have an idea, but first, we need to sort this problem out" he pointed to the bloody man being helped out my some wwe superstars

"I'm soo fired aren't i" john asked

"not necessarily" randy smirked


	26. Chapter 26

Mickie was sat on her bed the next day watching TV relaxing and resting her ankle seens as the day before she didn't adhere to the doctors advice and was constantly on it when she shouldn't of been.

The door lightly opened and eve came in to the room

"hey" Mickie smiled

"this came for you" eve said smiling placing something on her bed before leaving

Mickie eyed the suspicious package before placing it in front of her and unwrapping it.

She caught her breathe in her throat when she sore what it had written on the front of it.

MJC was written on the front of a thick book in graffiti like lettering, mj stood for Mickie James and the j also stood for john and the c for cena, john used to always write it on the inside of his finger when they first started going out.

She opened the book and on the first page was a small note

_To Mickie_

_Enjoy_

_John_

With the date from the day before underneath

She turned to the next page and smiled softly at the picture and underneath john had written a small paragraph.

_Us in the car before our first date, you remember?_ "i remember" mickie whispered as if she was speaking to john _i took you to that pizza place and the guy that owned it recognised us and closed the whole place and taught us how to cook pizza, we were smiling and laughing that whole night and i remember because i tweeted when i was in bed that night, my cheeks hurt from all the smiling and laughing._

Mickie smiled and looked to the next page where there was a picture of john and mickie making pizza but john was to busy gazing at mickie to make his. _I was thinking how beautiful you looked_ he wrote underneath

She turned the pages and sure enough every significant event in there relationship was in this book backed up with pictures. It amazed mickie that john still remembered all these events and in the right order and had pictures, that was more of a girl thing to do.

Mickie got to the last page that was written on she turned over and found a note _I think here is a good place to re-start from, what do you say? We had good times together, we could get back to that_

Mickie noticed the book stopped before she got pregnant that was really when there relationship went on the wrong path. She'd love to go back to how they were she had forgotten how great they were together, and how john was her best friend as well as her suppose to be life partner.

Mickie heard a creak she looked up and john was stood in the door way with his hands in his pockets his head lowered but his eyes looking up at her.

She connected there eyes, she stared at the man wondering what just to do.


	27. Chapter 27

Mickie sighed and looked back down at the book John took a few steps in and closed the door quietly. He didnt want his and her friends listening in on what was being said in case the miscarriage came up, no one ever knew about the baby, they both said they wouldn't tell anyone except Stephanie for health reasons, who then told the writers mickie was injured and to keep her out of shows, they weren't going to tell friends family work colleagues until mickie was 12 weeks pregnant it gave them time to get there heads around the idea and then they would have scan pictures to show people. Although mickie nearly slipped up with the divas asking if she had a bump yet forgetting they didnt know. She saved herself by saying I would of thought ive have a stomach seens as I feel so bloated. John and her had a good laugh about it when she told him later that night.

"im not asking for you to love me like you did I just want you to try" John said softly "i miss you so much, and I don't want to get a divorce your the one I want to spend my life with" mickie wiped a tear refusing to look at John "no one ever comes close to you micks, I love you so much, please, just give me another chance" Mickie stood up and hugged him putting her arms around his neck as she cried softly John held her in his arms tightly never wanting to let go. "dont cry" he said softly as there faces were buried in the other's neck

"i missed you so much" mickie said softly

"i missed you to, im never letting you go ever again, I promise" he said softly

Mickie pulled away from the man a few tears still rolling down her face, John reached forward and gently wiped her tears with his thumb but as his hand was on her face mickie leaned forward and kissed her husband for the first time in 7 months. Both felt there body physically relax as they kissed john's hand got lost in mickie's hair as his other hand rested on her hip, mickie loosely placed her arms around his neck.

* * *

><p>The pair pulled there lips away as there foreheads rested against each others, there lips red and swollen from there mini make out session that lasted a while.<p>

"i love you" John said softly

"i love you to" mickie said softly mickie looked down and moved away from him to close her window.

Beth opened the door "um, me the girls and randy were gonna have a movie night, can you two come or" she trailed off

Mickie nodded "ill come" she said softly

John was looking at mickie "me to" he spoke softly and smiled softly when she smiled softly towards him.

"ok" Beth closed the door

"well?" Kelly urged "you think they've worked it out?" she asked

Beth nodded "i think they have"

Randy stood up "they have a lot of work to do still"

"oh that's a given" eve spoke "but it's a start"

* * *

><p><em><strong>next chapter is the last!<strong>_


	28. Chapter 28

It had been a month since John and mickie shared that kiss, and things had gone from strength to strength, they'd talked all there problems out with out shouting and screaming, just a lot of crying from both sides.

Mickie was laying in bed sleeping when a sleepy John cuddled up behind her still naked from there night of passion the night before hand, he rested his cheek in between her shoulder blades as an arm and a leg were put over the women.

* * *

><p>Mickie started to stir and rolled with some trouble because of John on to her back she smiled when John rested his head on her chest his limbs still over her. She put her arms around him and kissed his head. And she soon fell back to sleep much like her husband already was.<p>

* * *

><p>Mickie woke up a few hours later to her husband burying his face into her neck "john" she mumbled<p>

John whined as she tried to move away from him "noo" he whined

mickie chuckled "john let go I need the toilet"

"fine" he mumbled rolling away

Mickie got up and chuckled as she walked around the bed at the fact John didnt feel the need to cover up his man hood and was there for all to see. Not that she could talk she was wandering naked.

* * *

><p>"babe" John whined curling into a ball "hurry up im sleepy" he said not wanting to go to sleep without his wife to cuddle<p>

Mickie came out the bathroom "um, john"

"yes finally" he said throwing the covers back so she could get in

"john look" mickie said

John opened his eyes and they grew wider "isisisis that was I think it is" mickie nodded John sat up and slowly reached for it he looked down at it "your pregnant" he said softly he looked up "your pregnant" he said softly

Mickie nodded "what do you think?"

"im thinking" John chuckled softly in disbelief "im thinking why are we not acknowledging the fact we're naked for one"

Mickie chuckled and grabbed a bath robe the hotel provided for her self

"and, im also thinking, im happy" he looked at her and he smiled "we're having a baby" mickie smiled back to him "babe we're having a baby" he smiled going to her and kissing her

"i know" she smiled

John couldn't stop smiling as he looked at the test "you pee'd on this end didnt you"

Mickie chuckled and nodded "yeah"

"great" he said putting it down

Mickie put her hand on his neck and he looked at her "i love you"

"i love you to" he said softly before kissing her.

They both knew this was the start of the rest of there lives together, not as a married couple but as a family of three and possibly a family of more in the future, if John had his way anyways. John had some troubles in the last year and a bit but he over came them she crossed his mind and he knew he had to change and he did.

_**The end!**_

_******thought it was a nice way to end it :D**_


End file.
